Dialog

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1).

Charles F. Stanley has written an excellent book entitled Surviving in an Angry World (Howard Books, 2010). He points out; anger is a God-given emotion. We all become angry, but what counts is what we do with our anger – our behavior – that especially includes our speech. I love the old hymn, “Angry words, oh let them never from the tongue unbridled slip.” Sadly, our society admires someone with a quick wit who has mastered the art of the “put-down.”

My grandmother reminded me, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.” This was one occasion where granny was wrong. Words do wound, and some of those taunts follow us into adulthood. I once had a beautiful friend whose portrait by Andrew Wyeth was published in Life Magazine, but if you talked with Christina, she didn’t think she was beautiful. You see, the boys in Junior High made fun of her legs and called her “Stumps.” That nickname tragically colored her self-image through adulthood.

You may think your harsh words anger only the person to whom you are speaking. But your harsh words stir up anger in you as well. It’s as if your opinions about the other person become solidified in your own heart as you speak harshly. The net result is that a negative attitude takes firmer root in you. Once you have spoken harshly to a person, it becomes much easier to speak harshly to him or her in the future. You’re also more likely to talk that way to others who irritate or frustrate you.

But Stanley included a thought I hadn’t considered before. All-day long we have dialogs with ourselves. We may even become angry, and then our self-talk can become toxic. He writes:

Just about everyone I know talks to himself or herself throughout the day. Sometimes our self-talk is a form of self-instruction. We remind ourselves how to perform a specific task or not to forget something important. We may be encouraging ourselves to control our own attitudes and behavior. But many times, self-talk takes the form of self-criticism.

Do you speak to yourself in gentle tones – encouraging yourself to do better and to live according to the highest and most noble standard?

Or do you put yourself down and speak words of criticism and judgment over yourself?

Perhaps today, we need to listen to our Father’s voice: “Well done, good and faithful servant!”

“Look at all the lonely people” goes the haunting refrain of an old Beatles tune. Have you ever been so lonely you ache? Loneliness is a bitter pill, and we rightly run from it. But there is an alternative to loneliness.

How would you complete the sentence, “A friend is someone who _________________”? Most answers would be something like “a friend is someone you can count on” or “a friend will never leave you lonely” or “a friend is someone you can talk to.” But what about, “A friend is someone you can be quiet with”?

When you are with some people, you have to keep up the conversation and avoid those awkward periods of booming silence. On the other hand, there are some people you are so comfortable with, so secure with; you can just enjoy their presence.

Richard Foster observes, “Loneliness is inner emptiness. Solitude is inner fulfillment.” He then goes on to describe the examples of Jesus and solitude. Jesus inaugurated his ministry by spending forty days alone (Matthew 4:1-11). Before he chose the Twelve, he spent the night by himself (Luke 6:12). When he learned of the death of his cousin, John the Baptist, he withdrew “to a lonely place apart” (Matthew 14:13). After feeding the multitudes, he sent the apostles away and “went up into the hills by himself” (Matthew 14:23). The list goes on and on and on. Jesus valued solitude, and so should we.

Here are some questions to think about.

1. When do you feel closer to God: surrounded by people in worship or off in the wilderness by yourself?
2. Why did Jesus keep withdrawing from the crowds to be by himself?
3. Who are some other biblical characters who spent time alone?
4. Does being alone make you feel uncomfortable?
5. When do you need some time by yourself? Why?
6. Describe a time when you felt lonely.
7. Describe a time when you enjoyed being by yourself.
8. What is the difference between the two experiences?
9. How will you find some time to spend alone with God this week?

In these days of the pandemic, it seems like we are washing our hands all the time! “At least 20 seconds with soap and hot water: palms, back of the hand, between the fingers, thumbs, then nails according to the ritual prescribed by the Center for Disease Control. Nearly 2,000 years ago, the Pharisees accused Jesus and his followers of not washing their hands: “Why do your disciples break the tradition of the elders? For they do not wash their hands when they eat” (Matthew 15:20.)

The handwashing the Pharisees are talking about wasn’t primarily about hygiene. It was a cultic ritual they prescribed to cleanse religious impurity. Even today, ritualistic handwashing is practiced among the Orthodox Jews. Wikipedia explains, “The Talmud used the requirement of washing the hands in Leviticus 15:11 as a hint for general handwashing law, using asmachta (a Biblical hint, rather than an explicit requirement).” [1]  Some of the occasions for netilat yadayim (literally “lifting the hands”) included before eating any meal that included bread (specifically, bread made with one of the five chief grains: wheat, cultivated barley, spelt, wild barley, and oats), after eating bread (although not universally practiced any longer), before worship, after sleeping, and

• After touching part of the body which is dirty or customarily covered such as the private parts, back, armpits, inside of nose or ear, the scalp (but not if one just touched the hair), or the sweat from one’s body (excluding the face), or one’s shoes
• Upon leaving a latrine, lavatory or bathhouse, as a symbol of both bodily cleanliness and of removing human impurity. Handwashing after excretion is sometimes referred to as “washing asher yatzar,” referring to the Asher yatzar blessing recited once the hands have been washed after excretion.
• Upon leaving a cemetery
• After cutting one’s hair or nails
• The Shulchan Aruch specifies that one must wash hands after sexual intercourse, but among many Orthodox Jews, this is not accepted practice.
• To remove tumat met (“impurity from death”) after participating in a funeral procession or coming within four cubits of a corpse
• Some have the custom of washing their hands prior to scribal work

Wikipedia, “Handwashing in Judaism”

That’s a lot of handwashing, but there is still more. There are special rituals as to how the washing is to take place, depending on whether it is before or after a meal or upon waking.

The general custom in the morning (based on a kabbalistic teaching) is to take-up the vessel in one’s right hand, pass the vessel into his left hand, and only then begin to pour out water from that vessel over his right hand. Then one reverses the order by taking-up the vessel in his right hand and pouring out water from that vessel over his left hand. This process is repeated three times altogether for each hand, with intermittent changing of hands after each pouring. When this is accomplished, he then takes the vessel and pours out water over both hands, simultaneously, after which he rubs his hands together and then lifts them to make the blessing over his hands, before he wipes them dry.

In the hand washing made for eating bread, the custom differs: one takes the vessel in his right hand and pours water in abundance over his left hand. He then takes the vessel in his left hand and pours water in abundance over his right hand. In this case (for eating bread), it is not necessary to wash the hands three times, intermittently, as is customarily done in the morning. Rather, one or two pours for each hand are sufficient.

Then a prayer is said when the hands are washed: “Blessed are you, O Lord, our God, King of the Universe, Who has sanctified us through your commandments and has commanded us concerning the washing of hands.”

Sigh. In the Old Testament, ritual handwashing was obligatory for the priests before fulfilling their office (Ex 30:19–21; 40:30–32), but the religious practice wasn’t prescribed for anyone else. When the Pharisees tried to impose their traditions on the disciples, Jesus opposed them. The Lord said: “Hear and understand: it is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth; this defiles a person” (Matthew 15:11).

Notice the controversy with the Pharisees wasn’t over hygiene. It was about keeping religious traditions. I like the bumper sticker that says, “Sacred cows make good hamburger.” I wonder if we have any traditions that are interfering with our relationship with God?

 [1] See Wikipedia, “Ritual Washing in Judaism” and “Handwashing in Judaism.”

A few years ago, my wife Jan and her mother Dixie, flew to England to visit our daughter and her family who live in Brighton. Great-grandma Dixie was worried about how she was going to take all of her books with her. She knew she couldn’t keep up with the great-grandchildren, so Dixie decided she could read at home while everyone else toured the English countryside. The problem was how to pack all of her novels. Space (and weight) were at a premium. Literally, on the way to the airport, she hit upon a solution. We could stop at the Apple store and buy an iPad like the one Jan uses. It is very compact, lightweight, and can store thousands of books! And so we did catching the flight in the nick of time.

Once they arrived in Brighton, there was a problem. There hadn’t been time for Dixie to learn how to use her new iPad. Fortunately, this new generation of two-year-olds is born with the technological know-how to master computers, phones, and iPads. It was fun to watch little preschool India teaching her 85-year-old great-grandmother how to swipe, click, close and open applications on Dixie’s new iPad. The problem came when Great-grandma wanted the iPad back so she could start reading. “India, please give me my iPad,” she asked.

“No! MyPad, not iPad!” It seems with preschoolers, what is mine is mine and what is yours is mine, which reminds me of a very wise Jewish saying:

• What is mine is mine and what is thine is thine—this person is average.
• What is mine is thine, and what is thine is mine—this person is ignorant.
• What is thine is mine, and what is mine is mine—this person is wicked.
• What is mine is thine, and what is thine is thine—this person is a saint.

Be a saint, and be a blessing,

One night, on the Larry King Live television show, Larry King was interviewing Bono, one of the most famous rock stars in the world. Bono was talking about his commitment to Christ and how he was trying to live out Christ’s love in the world. It was the Christian commitment of this rock star that prompted Larry King to ask an important question.

“What makes Christianity different from all the other religions in the world?” he asked. “What does Christianity have to offer that other religions do not?”

Bono paused for a moment, then answered, “All the other religions of the world, in one way or another, teach karma. Only Jesus offers grace. In all the other religions of the world, people end up having to pay a penalty for their sins. Only Jesus Christ, by His grace, makes it possible for people to be delivered from the consequences of the sins that they have committed in this life.”

After another poignant pause, Bono added, “Sadly, all too often, the church, contrary to Jesus, teaches karma. Most of the time, the church teaches karma instead of offering grace.”

– Tony Campolo, Stories that Feed Your Soul, 2010, p. 25

Karma is a pervasive concept in our society. It only makes sense that we should get what we deserve. In fact, the apostles felt that way. In John chapter nine, Jesus and his disciples encounter a man who was born blind. The disciples asked, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” It seemed reasonable that the man’s blindness was the result of someone’s sin.

Karma is easy to understand. Karma appeals to our sense of justice, but the truth is: none of us get what we truly deserve. Chaos, fate, and chance are equally prevalent beliefs surrounding us. I have many problems with the concept of karma. For example, in my experience, belief in karma leads to arrogance. Do you remember the story of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector (Luke 18:9 – 14)? The Pharisee believed he was doing everything right and therefore, should receive good things (karma), but his pride became his downfall.

Another problem with karma is that it only focuses on the sins of commission rather than sins of omission. In ethics, we call this the Silver Rule. You know the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” The Golden Rule demands action, but the Silver Rule simply says, “Don’t do to others what you don’t want them to do to you.” No action required.

Finally, karma encourages accounting rather than growth. In karma, it’s all about balance. Do something bad, atone for it with something good. Christians believe in grace, God’s forgiveness, and that motivates us to become better people. We are striving to grow rather than balance! For example, Jesus taught:

You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you.

“Jesus wept” may be the shortest verse in the Bible, but it is also one of the most powerful. Have you ever wondered what makes God weep? Here are five situations that answer that question.

People in pain make God weep. In Mark 1:41, the man torn with leprosy touched Jesus deeply. He was “filled with compassion” (splanchnizomai, σπλαγχνίζομαι). It means Jesus felt torn up inside. He was moved. God created people in his image, and to see this man raked with disease brought Jesus to tears.

People who refuse to help fill Jesus with anger:

Again he entered the synagogue, and a man was there with a withered hand. And they watched Jesus, to see whether he would heal him on the Sabbath, so that they might accuse him. And he said to the man with the withered hand, “Come here.” And he said to them, “Is it lawful on the Sabbath to do good or to do harm, to save life or to kill?” But they were silent. And he looked around at them with anger, grieved at their hardness of heart, and said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” He stretched it out, and his hand was restored (Mark 3:1 – 5).

But Jesus was also moved by the lost (Mark 6:34): “When he went ashore he saw a great crowd, and he had compassion on them because they were like sheep without a shepherd.” I wonder if we feel the same way about our friends and neighbors who don’t know Jesus?

One of the most emotional passages is found in Mark 8:12, “The Pharisees came and began to argue with him, seeking from him a sign from heaven to test him. And he sighed deeply in his spirit.” I like what the classic commentator Swete wrote: “The sigh seemed to come, as we say, from the bottom of his heart, the Lord’s human spirit was stirred to its depths.” Hard hearts and eyes that refuse to see make God weep.

Finally, pompous people bring tears to God’s eyes. When the disciples were marching to Jerusalem, people began bringing little children to Jesus. The apostles were incised:

And they were bringing children to him that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them. But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, “Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them.

My prayer today has two parts first, that we will be moved by the same things that bring tears to the eyes of God, and second, that I won’t do anything today that will cause my Father pain.

Today, we’re continuing to “get dressed.” The Apostle Paul told the Colossians to:

¹² Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, ¹³ bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. ¹⁴ And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. ¹⁵ And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful (Colossians 3:12 – 15).

In the morning, I stumble around the bedroom tangled in the sheets until I catch myself on the dresser. The top drawer contains my socks, so I put on a pair and then try to find something to match. Paul says the well-dressed Christian will put on “compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience” so let’s open the drawer and discover what he is talking about.

Compassionate hearts – I always liked the King James version: “bowels of mercies.” It’s actually closer to the Greek word splanchna (σπλάγχνα) which means “viscera or entrails – the center of emotions.” In modern English we say “heart,” but I think it takes “guts” to be compassionate because compassion doesn’t turn away or ignore someone else’s plight. If we’re dressed with compassionate hearts, we will become involved!

Kindness – “the quality of being helpful or beneficial, goodness, kindness, generosity.” Christians should make this world a better place!

Humility – In a world filled with pride, sometimes it is hard to be humble, but it is worth the effort! Sinful pride is arrogant. It is the sin of exalting oneself and placing one’s own interests above those of others. Pride craves admiration and even adoration and will not share the limelight. Rather, Christians should:

“…give preference to one another in honor,” (Romans 12:10).

Humility is as important for Christians to put on as our pants!

Meekness – is not weakness! The word translated meekness here requires strength. It is not easily angered because a meek person has nothing to prove. He is full of quiet confidence.

Finally, put on the hat of patience. You know there are many synonyms in the Greek Bible that are translated patience in English. This one is a particularly godly quality that the King James Version translated “longsuffering.” It is the patient endurance we all admire. I think of this quality as a hat that keeps the searing sun of trials off our heads.

There you have it: the five qualities every well-dressed Christian will be wearing today: compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience.

Every morning you have a decision to make. What are you going to wear? Do you have an important meeting, or will you be working in the yard? What kind of image do you want to project? Of course, for some of us, the decision has already been made for us. Perhaps you have to wear a uniform, or, for me, the choice is made by what is clean. I generally put on my socks and then try to find something to match, but that’s a story for another day.

The Apostle Paul told the Colossians to “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony” (Colossians 3:12 – 14).

He begins by saying we are “chosen,” “holy,” and “beloved,” so our adornments should match what we indeed are. God chose us to be his children. That means we should act like it. Our behavior reflects on our family. When people meet us, they are meeting our Father too. That’s a huge responsibility!

Likewise, we are to be “holy.” Sadly, that image is badly soiled. You’ve heard the expression, “He’s a holy Joe.” It’s not a compliment! It describes someone who is judgmental and, often, a borderline hypocrite. When I was growing up, mom had two sets of dishes: the everyday Melmac, and the good china. We only got out the china on special occasions, and with five kids, the Melmac sometimes soared across the room like a Frisbee, but never the china! It was nearly holy. So too, we aren’t to be Melmac. We are Christians! We’ve been chosen. We are special. We are to be holy.

Finally, just as mom’s china was connected with beautiful memories – Thanksgiving dinner, Christmas, birthdays, and visits from family – so we are “beloved.” God sees such wonderful things in you, that it makes him smile. You are chosen, holy, and beloved, so take care how you dress today: inside and out!

I dread looking in the mirror in the morning! I just trotted down the hall, and I’m half-asleep. I haven’t had my coffee before I stumble into the bathroom. When I flip on the light, it’s a shock. Who is that guy? From my side of the mirror, I am at the peak of life. I’m wise and good-looking, but the man in the mirror is telling me a different story. Apparently, I am not alone. According to the U.S. Census Bureau:

During the 20th century, the number of persons in the United States under age 65 has tripled. At the same time, the number aged 65 or over has jumped by a factor of 11! Consequently, the elderly, who comprised only 1 in every 25 Americans (3.1 million) in 1900, made up 1 in 8 (33.2 million) in 1994. … The “oldest old” – those aged 85 and over – are the most rapidly growing elderly age group. Between 1960 and 1994, their numbers rose 274 percent. In contrast, the elderly population, in general, rose 100 percent, and the entire U.S. population grew only 45 percent.[1]

So, what does that mean? Solomon, arguably the wisest man who ever lived, addressed this question in his last book, Ecclesiastes:

Remember also your Creator in the days of your youth, before the evil days come and the years draw near of which you will say, “I have no pleasure in them”; 

When we were teenagers, this text seemed to be the theme of every youth rally. “Remember your Creator in the days of your youth.” Now I look at the second half of that verse: “before the evil days come and the years draw near of which you will say, ‘I have no pleasure in them.’” As I look at the old guy in the mirror, I have to disagree. These are the best days of my life! But growing old isn’t for the faint-hearted. I remember one of our elders explaining to my teen Bible class what the rest of the passage meant. It is a picture of growing old.

“… before the sun and the light and the moon and the stars are darkened, and the clouds return after the rain, 

Solomon is talking about growing old and losing our sight as we start adding up the candles on our cake.

“… in the day when the keepers of the house tremble, and the strong men are bent,” 

The Sage continues the description of growing older as we begin to stoop as our bones age. We may start to lose a few of our teeth (or at least some crowns). Solomon warns: “the grinders cease because they are few.”

I’ll let you think about the rest of the symbols of aging that Solomon shares with us:

“and the doors on the street are shut—when the sound of the grinding is low, and one rises up at the sound of a bird, and all the daughters of song are brought low— they are afraid also of what is high, and terrors are in the way; the almond tree blossoms, the grasshopper drags itself along, and desire fails, because man is going to his eternal home, and the mourners go about the streets— before the silver cord is snapped, or the golden bowl is broken, or the pitcher is shattered at the fountain, or the wheel broken at the cistern, and the dust returns to the earth as it was, and the spirit returns to God who gave it. Vanity of vanities, says the Preacher; all is vanity “(Ecclesiastes 12:1 – 8).

However, before we become too depressed about growing old, I want to say: “These are the best days of my life.” I’m not ready to check-out just yet. I have a treasure trove of memories that pop up at the most unexpected times and make me smile. I’d like to think I have some hard-earned wisdom that can help me navigate the uncertain times ahead. During the Second World War, the Merchant Marine discovered something amazing. When a ship was torpedoed, and the crew manned the lifeboats, the youngsters gave up and died while the seasoned salts survived. Why? The old men’s experience and maturity filled them with hope![2]

Something else I relish is that I no longer have to prove myself continually. Like Popeye said, “I yam what I yam.” That’s another blessing! It’s okay to crawl under the table with my grandchildren and not worry about what anyone else will think of me, and I don’t have to dress to impress. I can wear my favorite shirt simply because it is my favorite shirt.

Part of the joy of growing older is I like to think I have something to share if anyone would care to take the time to ask for my advice.

But the greatest joy is knowing: the best is yet to come! We are closer to the goal than we ever have been before!

Be a Blessing!

  [1] Downloaded from https://www.census.gov/population/socdemo/statbriefs/agebrief.html June 2, 2020.

[2] The result of these studies became the basis for the creation of the British Outward Bound program.

R.T. Kendall opens his book Total Forgiveness, by observing: “Most of us have times in our lives when we are pushed to our limits as to how much we are called to forgive.” We are afraid if we let go of a wrong, justice will not be served. Kendall continues:

When we are bitter, we delude ourselves into thinking that those who hurt us are more likely to be punished as long as we are set on revenge. We are afraid to let go of those feelings. After all, if we don’t make plans to see that justice is done, how will justice be done? We make ourselves believe that it is up to us to keep the offense alive.

The Apostle Paul told the Romans: “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord’” (Romans 12:19).

Kendall concludes, “It is also my experience that the quickest way I seem to lose inner peace is when I allow bitterness to reenter my heart. It’s not worth it! I made a decision for inner peace. But I found that I had to carry out that decision by a daily commitment to forgive those who hurt me and to forgive them totally. I, therefore, let them utterly off the hook and resigned myself to this knowledge:

• They won’t get caught or found out.
• Nobody will ever know what they did.
• They will prosper and be blessed as if they had done no wrong.”

So, as Christians, we are forced to choose between the peace of God in our hearts and an on-going vendetta against those who hurt us. Of course, there is more to forgiveness than this, but it will take a week’s worth of meditations to explore Total Forgiveness.

Something to Think About

We’ve all been hurt. People have failed us – even intentionally hurt us. Sadly, this includes some of our Christian family. This is especially true for ministers and their families. One preacher told me about having to literally load up his family and their possessions in the middle of the night and drive away. Another told me about having the front window of his home shot out by a pack of deacons! It’s easy to take up the refrain, “Gloom, despair, and misery on me! If it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all! Gloom, despair, and misery on me!” Think about how learning to forgive can free us from the black hole of depression.

Be a Blessing!